The Baltimore "City that Can't" Orioles

My former boss once told me that Baltimore is "The City that Can't". I never really understood what that meant until yesterday as I watched the Red Sox completely dismantle the Baltimore Orioles in the 9th inning of a game in which they clearly dominated the "good guys". It was one of those things that you can't really describe, but I'll try my best.....

Being a Sox fan, the first inning was a little hard to stomach. We saw the O's get to our "7-0 man", and apparently my twin for that matter, Josh Beckett early touching him for 2 runs right out of the gate. It was a little unnerving, but eh things happen, so I rolled with it. I said, "eh we'll light up this AAA quality pitcher to the tune of 10 or 11 runs". No problemo right? WRONG! Then this kid Jeremy Guthrie, with only 24 games pitched under his belt, comes out and completely shuts down the Red Sox offense for 8+ solid innings. I mean it was just downright awful. It got to the point where I was just hoping someone would kick me in the nuts to take away the pain of watching these Red Sox All Stars bumbling around in the batters box with the coordination of the clientèle found at your local Denny's at 3am on a Friday or Saturday night. SHAMEFUL!

But then, a ray of hope shined upon the Sox in the bottom of the night inning. It started with the incompetent O's catcher muffing a routine popup about 10 feet in front of home plate. The dude just looked stupid out there. Catch much? As if that wasn't good enough, Sam "Brains like Hot Horseshit" Perlozzo decides it's a good idea to yank Guthrie from the game in favor of the Orioles bullpen. Seriously folks, 5-0 lead or not, when is that ever the smart decision? The Red Sox don't just like the Orioles bullpen, they FEAST on it. It's like the scene in "Christmas Story" where the Bumpus' dogs get loose in the kitchen with the family turkey.....when all is said and done, there's nothing but a turkey carcass and dog piss left on the floor. The Sox just go ape-shit over this stuff. Sunday was no exception. Toss on a double, a bloop, some walks, and all of a sudden Sox were down 5-4 with Lugo up to bat and the bases chock full of goodness. From there we all know where it ended up. Sox win! Sox win! Sox win!

The best part of it all was the silence from the MASN (local O's network) announcers. Gary Thorne and Buck Martinez had never been so quiet. Those ass-clowns always have something negative to say about the Sox. They just sat there for like a full minute saying nothing. Like I actually thought I bumped mute button on the remote control as I did my patented victory dance around the living room.....yes, I pretend I'm riding a horse around the living room when the Sox or Patriots win. It was great!

All in all, it was a pretty amazing performance for a team which knows nothing about giving up. And that is why I love these guys...not in a "man-crush" sorta way, but in a "I love you maaaaan" sorta way. But just seeing this makes me thank God that I'm not an Orioles fan. No matter how bad the times got with the Sox in the late 80s / early 90s, and even Aug/Sep of last season, I can honestly say we were never as bad as the hapless O's. Thank you for being good at losing Sam and company. You guys do a great job of putting the "can't" in the "City that Can't".